A tribute letter from Mom's friend & neighbor (& walking buddy)

From Kate:

Mom's friend, Barb VanDyke, sent me an email today and wanted me to send it out to all. It follows:

 

Dear Children of Clare and Jane:

 

I cannot tell you how much I miss your mom.  She and I became "weekend walking buddies" after your dad passed away.  While I know all of you know how special they were, I feel compelled to write you as I've never met anyone like your mom and probably never will.  She touched my life in such loving, fun and positive ways.

 

I am fortunate that both of my elderly parents are still with us.  They're in their 80's and live back in Nebraska.  Yes, she and my first common thread was being from Nebraska!  Jane was my second mom and I want to thank you for sharing her with me.  One of our other fun common threads was that we were both tiny and would compare where to find clothes that fit us.  She was the first I'd tell if Talbots had a sale - she'd go that day.

 

Don and I moved to Masters Square five years ago.  We met both of your parents shortly thereafter at the neighborhood Christmas party.  I have never in my life seen two people, especially two elderly people, be so in love and so kind and carrying to each other and others.  Don and I would see Clare walking quite often and he always stopped and talked with us.  There was something about both of them that when you saw them and/or spoke with them it just always made your day a better one.

 

About 3 yrs ago one of the gals in here organized a "walking" group which ended up to be just women.  Your mom was our inspiration.  Two weeks before her passing she/I took the 2-3 mile regular route which was something I so enjoyed every Saturday and Sunday.  I never knew it would be our last walk.  She would get up and cook the special things for your father (homemade bread comes to mind) and just loved loving him and doing anything she could for him.

 

While you all know how blessed you always will be to have had them as your parents, I don't know how to put into words just what special people they were to me.  I always told your mom when I grow up I want to be just like her (I'm in my early 50's).  All seven of you held such special places in her heart and I know that you all know that.  It was fun to be able to meet some of you whether it was in person or via skype.  She so adored all of you, your spouses, your children, your grandchildren - never was an unkind word spoken.  And while she "bragged," she never "bragged."  I don't know how she did that - I only know I'm striving to be more like her.  Then as I met each one of you, I found out you all have your parents' traits.  Just such a wonderful group with so much love and kindness for all you are.

 

It wasn't until after your father's passing that your mom and I got to know each other better.  We shared a lot of coffee and if it was later in the day, wine.  She never complained about missing your father, but when he passed her heart was broken.  The love they had for one another was like no other love I've ever seen or probably will ever see.  They, in her words, were best friends and lovers.  It couldn't be better stated.  There were days I worried about her and especially if she was eating or not.  She never wanted to let on how much her heart was missing him.  What an honor for all of you to have had two parents who loved and adored one another.

 

Unfortunately two more of her neighbors became widows after she did.  I know without a doubt she was a huge part of their mourning.  I know they've probably told you how much her friendship meant to them after their husbands' passings.  I saw it myself.  And like I stated above, she was like a second mom to me.  She gave me such care, understanding and guidance.  And she let me brag about my husband and son.  Some people would hate that - she enjoyed hearing about both of them.

 

How she carried her independence but yet not be bossy is something not a lot of people can do.  Not every parent is able (a lot of them aren't ever) to honor and and respect their children - they don't treat them as equals.  She not only considered all of you as equals or better, she did it with the utmost class of any person/woman I've ever seen.  Like I said, I want to be just like her. 

 

There are people my age who cannot maneuver the computer as well as she did.  "I can't" didn't exist in her vocabulary.  By example she taught me to keep on trying to keep up - just because I'm getting older doesn't mean "I can't."  She mentioned one walk she had missed several episodes of "Drop Dead Diva."  Having the same cable company, I showed her how to work the "on demand" feature of her Comcast remote one time.  It took me months to self teach that to myself and she "got it" after I showed her only once!  That just amazed me.  She never wanted to be a "burden" to anyone (like she ever would have been) - she learned things herself and felt more comfortable not having to ask anyone for help.  She was so very proud of the last items she had fixed in their home and the person she had do them. 

 

I'm not telling any of you anything you don't already know - she was your mom.  I just wanted to share with you what a blessing and difference she made in my life and why.  I will forever be grateful I got to know her and be one of her neighbors even if it was for a short time.

 

God Bless!

 

Barb Van Dyke